Hmmmmm... Is it going to be this painless for the next 17 days? I can only hope!
First, of all, I've had no cravings. Scratch that, there was one time that I almost broke down. It was after work and I was starving. You know how they say, don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry? Take that advice and times it by a million kajillion when you are on a cleanse. I walked into Trader Joes for some frozen berries and spinach and came dangerously close to grabbing a baguette and some of their licorice and shoveling them both into my cake hole at the same time in the middle of the produce aisle. It was both the thought of failing at my cleanse and the thought of the manager being forced to decide between calling the cops to remove this crazy lady from his/her store or calling the ambulance because this crazy lady is turning blue from a deadly combination of licorice and baguette being lodged in her throat. He/She would have to stop and marvel at the fact that, despite her air passage being completely blocked, she is still trying to force more delicious Australian licorice in her mouth, that crazy lady is. You know what, kids? That crazy lady in the story could have been me. But it wasn't!!
One of Dan's co-workers is staying with us for a couple of days and they had my favorite combo of all time: bread, cheese and wine. You know something? I wasn't even tempted. Felt pretty smug about that. I think the pride (or smug) factor is going to really help me in this cleanse. Saying no to the wine and cheese made me feel the best i've felt since starting this thing.
I've only been able to muster up one hot/cold shower. The good thing about them is that the cold minutes make me really appreciate the hot minutes. The other good thing is that you appreciate the modern conveniences, like hot showers, more. The bad thing about them is the cold minutes really REALLY suck.
Goal from now on: smaller shakes at dinner. I am still digesting my shake that I finished 2 hours ago. Notskis funskis. For realskis.
No headache today. Not as tired. But, it's 10:00, which means I'll be calling it a night!
Stayed tuned... I'm still waiting for the excessive pooping to start. You don't want to miss my blog when that finally happens, do you???
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day Two... Where's the poo?
I really thought I would be Little Miss Dookie-Doo on this thing. I got a deep tissue massage today (which are painful yet amazing) that I almost canceled because I thought there may have been an embarrassing 'jumping off the table and asking to be excused with a magazine' incident. Not even close. I take no more trips to the poopy potty than before. I'm not complaining, I'm just stating a fact.
I also thought there would be some humor in the form of, well, farting, that came along this cleanse. So far, not the case. (But I haven't given up hope!)
I feel a little slower physically and mentally, but I have 19 days to recover, right??
I also thought there would be some humor in the form of, well, farting, that came along this cleanse. So far, not the case. (But I haven't given up hope!)
I feel a little slower physically and mentally, but I have 19 days to recover, right??
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day One... More peeing than I thought
Yes, I was walking to the bathroom literally every 30-45 minutes. Not for the #2, thank goodness, but I was peeing constantly. CON.STANT.LY. It felt actually good.
Let's break it down... Started the morning with a shake complete with 3 TBL of hemp protein and fiber and 1 TBL of Green Mix (or whatever it's called), frozen mangos, raspberries and blueberries and almond milk. Oh yeah, and some Stevia. Can't lie, pretty damn good. I just finished the same shake for dinner.
For lunch I had a salad with onions and mushrooms, chicken and an apple.
Let's talk about some odd things I've discovered during my first day:
1. Sweating after taking an aged garlic pill is a smelly choice. I did a light workout at lunch and I smelled terribly horrible. I feel sorry for Dan.
2. I depend on gum in my life a lot. Not allowed to have it during this thing. Hmmmm.
3. Apparently aspartame isn't good for me. Who knew? Okay, I actually knew that. But apparently it (especially in Diet soda) is really bad.
4. I'm tired... Like really tired right now. It's 8:34pm.
5. I am supposed to take a 2 oz shot of olive oil before i go to sleep tonight. Sounds more awful than I can begin to say. Maybe I'll skip it??
This was a boring blog. Sorry. Remember #4.
Let's break it down... Started the morning with a shake complete with 3 TBL of hemp protein and fiber and 1 TBL of Green Mix (or whatever it's called), frozen mangos, raspberries and blueberries and almond milk. Oh yeah, and some Stevia. Can't lie, pretty damn good. I just finished the same shake for dinner.
For lunch I had a salad with onions and mushrooms, chicken and an apple.
Let's talk about some odd things I've discovered during my first day:
1. Sweating after taking an aged garlic pill is a smelly choice. I did a light workout at lunch and I smelled terribly horrible. I feel sorry for Dan.
2. I depend on gum in my life a lot. Not allowed to have it during this thing. Hmmmm.
3. Apparently aspartame isn't good for me. Who knew? Okay, I actually knew that. But apparently it (especially in Diet soda) is really bad.
4. I'm tired... Like really tired right now. It's 8:34pm.
5. I am supposed to take a 2 oz shot of olive oil before i go to sleep tonight. Sounds more awful than I can begin to say. Maybe I'll skip it??
This was a boring blog. Sorry. Remember #4.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
MFC, hold please
ME: Have you ever done a cleanse?
YOU: No, but I appreciate you caring enough to ask.
ME: I, too, have never done a cleanse.
(Fast forward 21 days...)
ME: Have you ever done a cleanse?
YOU: No, but I appreciate you caring enough to ask.
ME: That's funny, I HAVE done a cleanse so I am better than you. That's just science.
That's right, folks, this lady is telling the toxins that have set up camp in her body to get the f*ck out for the next three weeks. I'm doing "The Clean Program" cleanse after first reading about it in Outside magazine then hearing more and more great things about it. The way i figure it is that it's only 21 days and it's only food. If at the end I feel no change, whatevs!
The fun starts tomorrow and I will be sure to blog about how it's going. I have a feeling there are a lot of trips to the bathroom in my future that you will get to read about. Talk about a win win!!
YOU: No, but I appreciate you caring enough to ask.
ME: I, too, have never done a cleanse.
(Fast forward 21 days...)
ME: Have you ever done a cleanse?
YOU: No, but I appreciate you caring enough to ask.
ME: That's funny, I HAVE done a cleanse so I am better than you. That's just science.
That's right, folks, this lady is telling the toxins that have set up camp in her body to get the f*ck out for the next three weeks. I'm doing "The Clean Program" cleanse after first reading about it in Outside magazine then hearing more and more great things about it. The way i figure it is that it's only 21 days and it's only food. If at the end I feel no change, whatevs!
The fun starts tomorrow and I will be sure to blog about how it's going. I have a feeling there are a lot of trips to the bathroom in my future that you will get to read about. Talk about a win win!!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
An away game...
Oh, hello! I almost didn't see you! How have you been? No, no, no, I want to hear about you first. Is you-know-who still being a you-know what? What a douche-b! Okay, onto me. It's 2:00. I'm still in my PJs, which are a very sexy combination of sweats and a baggy t-shirt. I love sweats. I told my friend at work that I wished I were wearing sweats that day and immediately thought, "wow... did I pull that quote straight out of the book, "Things Fat Girls Say"??" Did wonders for the ego, that realization did.
So today is a day of computers and music and hiding from this dastardly 55 degree and misting weather. I totally know how Minnesotans feel now.
Yesterday was more outdoorsy with surfing, yard work and a long work all accomplished, but that isn't what I am here to write about. I also venturee into uncharted territory courtesy of the MFC last night, but that isn't what I'm here to write about either. I will most definitely blog about this in the next day or two, but there is a time and a place for everything and this is not the time. It is the place, obvi. I'm at my computer, after all. Oh, the wit is feeling sharp today!
I know what you're thinking: "So what are you going to write about, Katy? Do tell!" and I'm going to need you to calm the f*ck down. Here goes... tonight I'm here to talk/blog about one thing and one thing only: desserts. (Confession: I first wrote "deserts". A blog about the Mojave, the Serengeti, and Palm (the desertiest of deserts) is totes ("totes" is short for "totally", of course) in my future, but let us not forget about the "time and place" lesson we just learned friends. Long story short, I feel a bit sheepish about the initial mistake, but I don't feel like I can keep secrets from my blog. While I don't mind lying to myself, doing it on the internets (added 's' was deliberate people) seems unseemly.)
As you know, I made Grandma's Molasses cookies a while ago. They were so delicious, I made them again. Remember this fact.
It was Dan's birthday on March 1st. Being the greatest girlfriend of all time (don't try to verify that title... you're just going to have to trust me), I made him the greatest birthday cake of all time... Wait for it... I made AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE.
I used to request this heaven's house constructed of coffee ice cream with an Oreo floor, a whip cream and chocolate chip roof and a chocolate syrup layer of insulation every birthday since I had the option to do so. So, in keeping with my Greatest Girlfriend of All Time (GGOAT) status, I decided to make it for Dan. (You're starting to feel bad about doubting my title now, aren't you? Apology accepted. Maybe next time I claim to be the greatest of all time at something you'd do well to remember this feeling you have right now.)
Dan's parents were staying with us for the 5 days before his b-day (feel free to re-read and again feel bad about questioning my GGOAT claim), but had to leave on his b-day. So, the mud pie was unveiled on the last day of February and I am quite confident that the one thing Dan and his parents will remember about February 2011 is this: AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE. Am I over exaggerating? Mayhaps... but you weren't there so you can't possibly know. Just know that before I could wash the dishes from dinner, despite all of us gorging ourselves on a dinner out on the town, I was fielding requests for a second helpings from the Gillenwater clan. That was great, but the best thing about making the mud pie? One pan is a LOT of mud pie. Remember this fact as well.
So, I gots me some crazy-delicious cookies and some marvy mud pie and then I gets an invite to the owner of my company's house. What does a gal bring to a dinner hosted by the guy who has everything? If you remembered the facts I requested you remember, this is an easy question to answer. For those of you who either have a short term memory or who skim this blog, rather than read it word for word, I am not going to bail you out of this one. Tough love.
Here I am, showing up to my boss's house with a paper plate of GMa's Molasses cookies, individual servings of AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE in paper bowls with paper bowls on top to protect them surrounded classily with baggies of ice so they didn't melt and a 6-pack of IPA just in case the ingenious transportation system of AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE somehow went horribly wrong. The classiness of my presentation because really to call where his lives a "house" is far fetched. "Cottage" maybe? Whatever name you use, the place he calls home is a measly 1 story, 20,000 square foot structure. Okay, it has an infinity hot tub, a pool, a guest house, but only one tennis court! Plus, it is totally unlivable. Who wants a pool table, ping pong table, air hockey table and recessed bar all within 40 feet of the incredible kitchen? Not this girl! My paper products and janky transportation system felt right at home.
People didn't expect much from my sweet contributions and my desserts had a lot to live up to... Dinner was premium Omaha steaks, Salmon and Lamb, all cooked to perfection, I was told. Plus, my friend who is the chocolate cake master and queen of cooking, made awesome seasoned potatoes to keep the lamb, cow and fish company.
Picture it: Dinner's over. My time is now! (er... then... you get the idea). I bring out the mud pie first. People were powerless against its charms. We each had 13.8 pounds of meat for dinner (give or take 13 pounds), and yet the mud pie was erased from everyone's plate. There were "mmms" and there were "ahhhhs" and there were no traces of mud pie anywhere to be found on anyone's plates... er... no traces in anyone's paper bowls. I took the pulse of the group and sensed the table could use a few more calories, so Grandma's cookies made their debut. I'm not one to brag, so I'll just report on the facts. The phrases, "best cookies of all time" and "these cookies will change your life" were heard and it wasn't me saying them. After 14 pounds of meat (sue me for rounding up!), delicious potats, and AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE, I think everyone still managed to make room for not one but TWO of GMa's molasses cookies. While the grill master might never admit it, I'm going to say that both desserts were hits! I take no credit at all. All I did was stand on the shoulders of giants, so all credit goes to Grandma for her molasses cookies and Aunt Judy for AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE.
Next time... the latest MFC creation and/or the revealing of the secret code dropped in my last blog... TENSION MOUNTING!!
So today is a day of computers and music and hiding from this dastardly 55 degree and misting weather. I totally know how Minnesotans feel now.
Yesterday was more outdoorsy with surfing, yard work and a long work all accomplished, but that isn't what I am here to write about. I also venturee into uncharted territory courtesy of the MFC last night, but that isn't what I'm here to write about either. I will most definitely blog about this in the next day or two, but there is a time and a place for everything and this is not the time. It is the place, obvi. I'm at my computer, after all. Oh, the wit is feeling sharp today!
I know what you're thinking: "So what are you going to write about, Katy? Do tell!" and I'm going to need you to calm the f*ck down. Here goes... tonight I'm here to talk/blog about one thing and one thing only: desserts. (Confession: I first wrote "deserts". A blog about the Mojave, the Serengeti, and Palm (the desertiest of deserts) is totes ("totes" is short for "totally", of course) in my future, but let us not forget about the "time and place" lesson we just learned friends. Long story short, I feel a bit sheepish about the initial mistake, but I don't feel like I can keep secrets from my blog. While I don't mind lying to myself, doing it on the internets (added 's' was deliberate people) seems unseemly.)
As you know, I made Grandma's Molasses cookies a while ago. They were so delicious, I made them again. Remember this fact.
It was Dan's birthday on March 1st. Being the greatest girlfriend of all time (don't try to verify that title... you're just going to have to trust me), I made him the greatest birthday cake of all time... Wait for it... I made AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE.
I used to request this heaven's house constructed of coffee ice cream with an Oreo floor, a whip cream and chocolate chip roof and a chocolate syrup layer of insulation every birthday since I had the option to do so. So, in keeping with my Greatest Girlfriend of All Time (GGOAT) status, I decided to make it for Dan. (You're starting to feel bad about doubting my title now, aren't you? Apology accepted. Maybe next time I claim to be the greatest of all time at something you'd do well to remember this feeling you have right now.)
Dan's parents were staying with us for the 5 days before his b-day (feel free to re-read and again feel bad about questioning my GGOAT claim), but had to leave on his b-day. So, the mud pie was unveiled on the last day of February and I am quite confident that the one thing Dan and his parents will remember about February 2011 is this: AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE. Am I over exaggerating? Mayhaps... but you weren't there so you can't possibly know. Just know that before I could wash the dishes from dinner, despite all of us gorging ourselves on a dinner out on the town, I was fielding requests for a second helpings from the Gillenwater clan. That was great, but the best thing about making the mud pie? One pan is a LOT of mud pie. Remember this fact as well.
So, I gots me some crazy-delicious cookies and some marvy mud pie and then I gets an invite to the owner of my company's house. What does a gal bring to a dinner hosted by the guy who has everything? If you remembered the facts I requested you remember, this is an easy question to answer. For those of you who either have a short term memory or who skim this blog, rather than read it word for word, I am not going to bail you out of this one. Tough love.
Here I am, showing up to my boss's house with a paper plate of GMa's Molasses cookies, individual servings of AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE in paper bowls with paper bowls on top to protect them surrounded classily with baggies of ice so they didn't melt and a 6-pack of IPA just in case the ingenious transportation system of AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE somehow went horribly wrong. The classiness of my presentation because really to call where his lives a "house" is far fetched. "Cottage" maybe? Whatever name you use, the place he calls home is a measly 1 story, 20,000 square foot structure. Okay, it has an infinity hot tub, a pool, a guest house, but only one tennis court! Plus, it is totally unlivable. Who wants a pool table, ping pong table, air hockey table and recessed bar all within 40 feet of the incredible kitchen? Not this girl! My paper products and janky transportation system felt right at home.
People didn't expect much from my sweet contributions and my desserts had a lot to live up to... Dinner was premium Omaha steaks, Salmon and Lamb, all cooked to perfection, I was told. Plus, my friend who is the chocolate cake master and queen of cooking, made awesome seasoned potatoes to keep the lamb, cow and fish company.
Picture it: Dinner's over. My time is now! (er... then... you get the idea). I bring out the mud pie first. People were powerless against its charms. We each had 13.8 pounds of meat for dinner (give or take 13 pounds), and yet the mud pie was erased from everyone's plate. There were "mmms" and there were "ahhhhs" and there were no traces of mud pie anywhere to be found on anyone's plates... er... no traces in anyone's paper bowls. I took the pulse of the group and sensed the table could use a few more calories, so Grandma's cookies made their debut. I'm not one to brag, so I'll just report on the facts. The phrases, "best cookies of all time" and "these cookies will change your life" were heard and it wasn't me saying them. After 14 pounds of meat (sue me for rounding up!), delicious potats, and AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE, I think everyone still managed to make room for not one but TWO of GMa's molasses cookies. While the grill master might never admit it, I'm going to say that both desserts were hits! I take no credit at all. All I did was stand on the shoulders of giants, so all credit goes to Grandma for her molasses cookies and Aunt Judy for AUNT JUDY'S MUD PIE.
Next time... the latest MFC creation and/or the revealing of the secret code dropped in my last blog... TENSION MOUNTING!!
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